drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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