remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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