I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
