Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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