I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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