I just threw up on my dentist
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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