My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
please don't ironically join a cult
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