true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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