thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
