Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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