omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
cat food counts as protein by the way
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
