I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
