Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
