i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
