Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
