'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
