First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
