I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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