DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Vodka?
Forever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
