Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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