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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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