Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
