Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
