yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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