His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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