That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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