You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
