Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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