I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize