I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
