Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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