i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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