just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
