I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
