my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
