question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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