I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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