oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize