wanna go halves on a baby?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
