I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
