Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
