I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
