She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
