he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
