once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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