are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
only you would photoshop your dick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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