He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
