so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
