3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize