Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
