I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize