he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
