OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
