i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm like, not good at living.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
