Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
