I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
