Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
