areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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