I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
