Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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