I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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