i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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