I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
