Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
