your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
