There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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