Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
