its not stalking. its research.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
