Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
