ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
