fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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