fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize